How can you deal with a difficult person without hurting his feelings or making him defensive?
From Quora:
Ah, I see you’ve met my father.
For me, Dad chat used to go something like this:
DAD: How are things?
ME: Fine.
DAD: That’s because you followed my advice.
ME: Actually Dad, things are kind of shit.
DAD: Follow my advice and they won’t be.
ME: I did that but nothing changed *thinks* because your knowledge on this topic ceased to be relevant sometime back in the 90s…
DAD: Gives same advice, while illustrating all the things I clearly did wrong for it not to have worked.
ME: Refutes said claims and verbally considers asking someone else.
DAD: Panics this may in some way reflect badly on him in his capacity as advice giver. Scrambles to control the narrative and ensures it is known to whoever else I’m thinking of asking that he already gave me the solution but I’m too stubborn/immature/naive to take it on board.
ME: Tentatively disagrees with said narrative.
DAD: Repeats it, only more loudly and closer to my face.
ME: Stands my ground.
DAD: Huffs and puffs before accusing me of attacking him and descending into a sulk.
And now, Dad management goes something like this:
DAD: How are things?
ME: Really good since I followed your advice, thanks for that.
DAD: Chuffs in his own right-ness.
ME: Actually Dad, I wanted to ask – when I followed your advice, things went well but this bad thing also happened. Can I run past what I did so you can see if I got it right?
DAD: Very amenable to this idea.
ME: *Knows* his knowledge on this topic ceased to be relevant sometime back in the 90s but also knows he has to learn this the hard way…
DAD: Investigates thoroughly and comes to the conclusion that his knowledge on this topic ceased to be relevant sometime back in the 90s.
ME: Wonders aloud who else we could ask.
DAD: In his rush to be the one that fixes it, suggests the very person I’d considered. Subsequently panics this may in some way reflect badly on him in his capacity as advice giver. Scrambles to control the narrative and ensures it is known that his knowledge on this topic ceased to be relevant sometime back in the 90s.
ME: Gets the advice I need from the relevant person. Thank them then thank my father for suggesting them.
DAD: No threats to his position as chief advice giver and all is well.
The moral of this tale? She who is skilled in ego management gets the job done.
Fallen Empath 